Archive for the ‘Male Sex Workers’ Category

Part four of my Let’s Hear It From The Boys series brings us the very lovely Mr Benedict Garrett (@benedictgarrett), aka Johnny Cockfill to those in the know! Benedict has an impressive resume, including “Sexual Activist & Radical Sex Educationalist, Founder of ‘BIRDS, BEES, PLEASE’ and the ‘GET REAL!’ Sex Ed Campaign, Erotic Award Winner 2013, Big Brother housemate 2012, Actor & Entertainer”. He has also been a stripper, male escort and porn performer, having begun his foray into the adult world 10 years ago when he started shooting porn. He has also done mainstream acting and appeared on mainstream TV chat shows! WOW!
So naturally I was very pleased when he responded to my cry for help with this little piece I’ve been working on. Accustomed as he is to public speaking I knew that the responses he would give would be succinct, well-informed and honest – he didn’t disappoint…Do you think people react differently to men in the adult industry compared to women?

Obviously, being a man, I can only speak first-hand about my own experience. Of course, I hear views being banded around about the perceptions of women in the business, but these can also, perhaps to a lesser extent, be echoed about the men too. I think views are incredibly diverse and, thankfully, changing. I think it is also probably true to say that, by and large, there is this notion that men who do adult work are to be envied, while the women are just ‘sluts’, or victims of a patriarchal system or desperate situation that has ‘forced’ them into this line of work and, therefore, to be pitied. Equally, I cannot say that I am not occasionally in receipt of, sometimes offensive, and condescending, comments from all sorts of people. However, I have noticed, that no-one ever has the audacity to say anything to my face (except in specifically staged debates and interviews). When I raise my line of work with an unsuspecting audience, they tend to be more curious and intrigued than wishing to cast any form of judgement on my choices. But, then again, I am a man. A 6ft 2in, 15 stone man, to top it off. Maybe I would be an easier target for their ‘abuse’ and ‘aspersions’ if I was female.

How very true! On to the next question then, which was: Anti-sex work people like to use the argument that porn/sex work objectifies women. Do you, as a man, feel objectified, or do you enjoy the attention?

I am objectified. When someone comes to see me strip or watches me having sex, they have no intention to see beyond the physical. And why should they? We are selling the aesthetic. If I wanted to sell my intellect, I would be writing books or speaking publicly (which, as it happens, I also do at other times). Pornography & stripping are visual performances Their main aim is to visually stimulate. This may, in turn, cause other responses within an individual, but primarily we are putting ourselves forward as objects. I see nothing wrong with that. Objectification, for as long as we are visually stimulated beings, is a fact within the human condition. We need not feel bad or guilty about that. As long as we are able to place that into a context that does not see individuals ONLY as objects. I can look at an individual and find them physically attractive. Only a complete idiot, bereft of even the most basic intellectual capabilities and social skills, would neglect the fact that, if they were ever to meet that person, the object of their affection is more than simply skin and bones. The majority of us are able to balance a physical lust or titillation with the reality that every human has feelings, emotions, intelligence, family, friends, interests and everything else that comes with being a member of the human race. Knowing all of this does not mean that we cannot deny, within a balanced lifestyle, our right to be physically aroused by another human.

I would be lying if I did not admit to enjoying the attention most of the time. It is, of course an ego boost to realise that, some people at least, enjoy your performance and are attracted to you in some way. However, while I accept that, as a male stripper, audience members will try to touch us, stroke our muscles, smack our behinds, squeeze our packages (all of which would never be permitted within a female stripping venue), I do draw the line at what I would class as ‘abuse’. On several occasions, I have had to turn ’teacher mode’ on audience members who deem it acceptable to scratch my back. THIS I find totally intolerable. Thankfully, it doesn’t often happen, but enough times for me to always now be on my guard.

On a more positive note, I often meet the people who come to see me strip after my performance and they are usually pleasantly surprised that I am able to string a sentence together.

Yikes! Interesting, though, how what would be deemed totally unacceptable to do to female strippers, is apparently ok to do to male strippers?! I’ve only ever been present at one male “stripping” before (believe it or not) and the poor girl who’s birthday it was was so mortified that the guy did very little other than wave his wanger in her face. Although she reckons she noshed him off after – again, that would be a no-no with a female stripper! Then again, maybe some people like that kinda thing. Similarly, Benedict went on to point out that what some people might see as a bad thing, others might not! Pros and cons are in the eye of the beholder, perhaps…

I think both of these can be subjective depending on what kind of personality you are. But here goes:

– You are getting paid to have sex.
– You meet some interesting people and get to shoot, sometimes, in some fascinating places.
– You get paid a relatively decent rate for what is, for many, a dream job. At the very least, I certainly would not class it as ‘hard’ work, although many people would not be able to do it.
– If you enjoy attention, you certainly get plenty of that.

– Working in porn obviously carries a health risk, which you minimise through regular sexual health screening (FYI, so far, I have never contracted an STI in my entire life)me neither!
– Although it is sex, it can be quite demanding and you must do what is asked of you. You are not there to simply get your rocks off. Often, I do live sex shows which last for 4.5 hours. That can be tiring!
– There are some things that even I can find hard to do on demand at times, I am not a machine!
– Work is not always regular and the British porn scene is very small.
– Thankfully, there aren’t many guys in British porn because most guys aren’t able to perform, so there’s not too much competition out there.
– Working in porn obviously carries a stigma which may be carried with you into other aspects of your life and affect your future career prospects as well as your relationship with your family and friends and your ability to maintain a lover, if you are tying to do so.
– You may have to work with people you are not attracted to.
– In stripping, the potential for physical abuse, as mentioned above.
– Finally, in stripping, tying up your cock is not necessarily the best thing to be doing regularly to your penis.

Any bad experiences in your line of work Mr. Garrett?

Stripping: aside from the scratchers, not really. I try to avoid any 1-to-1 booking requests because I know they are only inviting problems.
I was once booked to strip in a venue called ‘The Hoist’ in London, being told I was just to perform my normal routine. When I turned up, I was surrounded by sweaty men wearing little more than leather floss. I was informed that if all I was going to do was strip, that the punters would not be happy. I was told I could leave if I wished. I promptly hauled my clothed ass out of there!

Porn: Not really. On a totally shallow note, I have worked with girls I really was not attracted to and, as awful as it sounds, would rather have stayed at home eating crumpets while watching ‘Murder She Wrote’. Beyond that, no, I have never had, nor witnessed any bad experiences in porn. I have had far more worse experiences in the ‘mainstream’ world.

Haha! So Benedict Garrett is a Jessica Fletcher fan! Who knew?! Best bits about the job?

The places I go, the people I meet, pushing myself to try new things, over-coming barriers, and, mostly, I love challenging people’s perceptions of me and other people who work in the industry.

Abso-bloody-lutely. If you’ve been keeping up to date with this blog you will know full well we are all about chalenging perceptions and stereotypes here! Thank you ever so much to Benedict for contributing, I appreciate that getting annoying emails asking for your thought and opinions take time to reply to and for that I am very grateful.
Aaaand finally, you can keep up to date with all Benedict’s comings and goings via his twitter @benedictgarrett and his website,

Well bloody hell I haven’t blogged in ages! ChatGirlTVX has been keeping me very busy indeed! But never fear dear readers, and thank the curse of insomnia, as I am up and continuing my thread on males in the industry for you. Today we have part 3 of my Let’s Hear It From The Boys series, and I bring you – Sean Adams.(@seanadamsmodel)
I happened across Sean’s Adultwork profile when looking for people to interview. He was the only one I found that had LOADS of feedback (in my very quick search – I’m sure there are lots of other male escorts out there with great feedback!) so this stood out to me and I dropped him an email asking if he would like to contribute to my little blog here. And lucky for us, he did!
Sean describes himself as “an independent male escort, web cam performer, porn performer” and has appeared in both amateur and professional TV channels and productions. He’s been in the jizz biz since late 2006 so is no stranger to how it all works.
I asked him how he thinks people’s reactions differ to male and female sex workers…

I find from my experiences that the majority of people’s attitudes towards the adult industry is that males are referred to as “studs” or “gigolos”, females as “sluts” or “whores”. The same tends to be true of society in general. If a guy meets a girl one Saturday night in a club and takes her home, it is usually just the female who is frowned upon. However, these are not views that I share within the industry nor society in general.

A very good point. Males seem to get hailed as heroes if they fuck for a living, whereas women are shamed and pitied. Ridiculous, huh?! In my experience, no one is in the business for any reason other than they ENJOY IT! It would seem that Sean thinks the same way…

Firstly, from my experiences, everybody who I have met in the industry are in it because they want to be. People who object to porn/sex work would clearly never work in it for whatever reasons they have and so usually cannot understand why we do it, instantly assuming we are all looking to feed an addiction or as therapy to mask some form of abuse in our pasts. This is far from the truth. I love the attention and being watched having sex turns me on immensely, whether that be on a porn set, hearing from guys who were getting off watching my amateur or professional work, or even a “cuckold” husband watching as I take his wife right there in front of him!

So, come on then Sean, it can’t all be amazing, right?! What’re the pros and cons, in your view?

From my experiences, the pros do out weigh the cons, although some can be more difficult to deal with than others. Pros include the extravagant lifestyle that male escorting especially can bring. With most of my clients being couples (I have only ever met two females on bookings – one an ex-escort and the other a friend of an escort!) the guy will often want to impress his female partner by booking lavish hotel suits with champagne on ice and a hot tub in the room as opposed to a budget hotel off the M1, although there have been a few of those too! Often sat next to the champagne on the table is a pile of crisp cash, my reward for bringing this private and intimate evening to the couple’s life. I have also met some amazing people, whether they be clients, other escorts, porn performers, videographers or photographers. One regular couple even wanted me to join them for part of their annual two week holiday at a private Mediterranean villa for an all expenses and fees paid fun time together, but unfortunately we just could not all be free for the same dates. It’s literally like living two lives – and I love it! Of course, the cash from escorting or the sales of movie clips and occasional paid porn scene is very nice too!
The cons are the restrictions that I can put on my body and mind. I aim to leave two to three days between bookings to ensure both my body and mind are fully refreshed, which does mean having to turn down many bookings from regular and new clients. Anything more often than that and performance can begin to suffer, whether it be mentally or physically. And it’s the same for any guy any age. I also feel that the clients respect me for that too. If I was leaving one appointment to go to another, my service would not be good and I would likely never see either couple again! So guys will find it hard to make a full time living out of the adult industry without something giving way – either on a porn set, escort booking or in his personal life. It is also very difficult to have a relationship when working as a porn performer/escort. It would take a very understanding partner from outside of the industry to accept this lifestyle, or the other option would be deceitful and keep it from them. I therefor choose to remain single, as dating somebody within the industry would, for me, open up a whole host of other problems.

See, guys?! It’s not all champagne and wall to wall pussy for a male escort! It’s hard work and requires a sensible head – which Sean does indeed have! As with any type of job, it does affect your life in more ways than just bringing home the bacon.
There are bad things about the job, as with any job – which Sean outlines in his next response…

As far as bad experiences are concerned, they have been very few and far between, the most notable being when a married couple arrived at my house for an in call escort booking and the female was so obviously being pushed into the meeting, We went ahead and did the deed, but she was very tense and did not want to undress. In hindsight I should have, and now would under the same circumstances, stopped things before they progressed. I have since heard from the guy asking to meet with me and his new girlfriend, so possibly that meeting was part of what helped terminate a failing relationship, so maybe I did her a favour in that respect after all! Also, in the porn industry guys can be treated like mindless pieces of meat with unnecessary pressures put on them by videographers/directors. Being told “you need to cum in 30 seconds” with no prior warning can have the complete opposite effect of what they want to achieve. A bit more TLC offered to the guys may result in them being able to produce much better scenes than some of the dross that is out there.

Sean’s final response, to the question “what do you like/dislike about your job?” is similar to one of my earlier contributors – remember Mystery Contributor X? She felt she had to keep this side of her life secret from her “vanilla” cohorts, on account of the undoubted reaction it would cause…

The thing I really dislike about working in the adult industry is having to keep it to myself and not letting my family and friends know what I do, as society does paint a very poor picture of the whole scene. I feel I have to protect them from people knowing that their son/brother/father/friend/etc etc is in the adult industry. A real shame in fact, as most of the people I know in the industry would get on with my friends and family really well.

A real shame indeed. When will people realise that sex work, is still just work?! It’s not a revolting, sinful, disgusting way of life, just a different one. Yes of course there are bad parts to it, but aren’t there in every occupation?! Such as government, the police, the banks…?! I digress, yet again. But Sean raised some very good points, as have all of the wonderful people who have contributed to my blog so far, and these points deserve attention and consideration! It’s all very well making judgements and making a career out of trying to ban porn and prostitution (*COUGH* Gail Dines & Co *COUGH*) but without having actually spoken to sex workers who, God forbid, like their job?! Come on now…
I cannot stay on track tonight haha! A very big thank you to Sean, for answering my questions and lending us a little further insight into his world. Go follow him on Twitter!

Hello there lovely blog readers! My sincerest apologies for the lack of recent blog posts – I’ve been busy!
Anyway, whilst thinking what to write about next, I realised that people very rarely seem to discuss males in the adult industry – either those working within it, or those that use adult oriented services. And thus, my latest feature was born! People seems to focus solely on the women in the sex industry and I thought it would be good to focus on the boys for a change.
Today’s blog post comes courtesy of the lovely Ryan Ryder (@RyanRyderxxx). Ryan has been working n the industry for about a year and a half, as a male porn performer. An actor in a previous life, he has performed in many adult movies for most of the big companies out there – Playboy, Brazzers, Joybear, Dorcel, Killergram, Harmony…the list goes on. So obviously I was delighted when he agreed to contribute to my blog!
I am trying to get a different angle on those that work in the porn industry, so I asked Ryan if he thought men were treated differently to women, as performers…

Not really, apart from the fact men dont get paid as much as women! I have been treated with respect by the companies I have worked for but I have set myself out from the start to only work with the reputable companies so that has probably worked for me

Following on from this, I was interested to know if he felt “objectified” as a porn stud, seeing as this seems to be the main argument from the antis in their crusade against sexual entertainment. Interestingly, this isn’t something that seems to bother Ryan so much!

It depends on the type of shoot really. There are certain shoots that people might argue objectifies women but it cannot be argued that people get turned on by different thing so our industry caters for it. If it didn’t sell we wouldn’t film it! I am definitely objectified on some shoots but I don’t mind that. Those are the shoots that I just have to walk into shot with a hard on and you just see my penis throughout the entire scene so yes, I am objectified as “the penis” in those shoots! In others I have been featured as an actor in full on feature films with lots of script. I tend to enjoy those the best as I have come from a previous career as an actor.

People are always misconstruing the glamour and excitement of the porn industry – the reality of it is very different! When asked of the pros and cons of his job, Ryan says…

The pros and cons are prob similar to the girls…Pros – every day is different, the money is good, you don’t have to work every day if you don’t want to, I am in control of what shoots I perform in and you meet a lot of fun, interesting people. Cons – a LOT of driving, you don’t have any pensions or insurance or anything like that so you have to be sensible and sort out your own future while in this industry, if I break my leg at football this weekend I wont be able to earn until I am back performing which is why I am looking at getting involved in directing and producing and script writing this year as well as the performing side.

He then went on to discuss the downside – if you think about it, despite being paid less than the girls, guys in porn actually have a much harder job (in my humble opinion!)

Of course every guy in the industry (whether they wanna admit it or not lol) has had a day where for whatever reason you struggle to keep hard throughout the shoot. When I first started out it was at the forefront of my thoughts “I must keep my cock hard” it dominated my thoughts and throughout the day I would be playing with the bloody thing 2 hours before the cameras were rolling to make sure I could get it hard! I soon learned that you almost have to do the opposite which is relax, don’t worry about getting hard, trust that you are a good performer and that things will happen naturally when that time comes. I am so much more relaxed at shoots now and as a result my days are a lot less stressful.

So there you go guys, if you’re thinking of getting into porn, it’s not as easy as it looks!
A final word from Ryan:

Frequent masturbation cuts your risk of prostate cancer so bash away and enjoy the porn especially the scenes with me in them!
Follow me on my twitter @ryanryderxxx

Many thanks Ryan for your honesty and for featuring on this week’s blog! More to come from the punters – who uses escorts, watches porn, calls chat lines and goes on webcam, why, and what they feel about it all! #LetsHearItFromTheBoys