Wanker’s Remorse: An Analysis of Shame

I’d like to take a little time to expand your mind and tell you all about a little phenomenon I like to call Wanker’s Remorse.

I have come across Wanker’s Remorse many a time, both personally and professionally, but more so when working. I have seen it in vanilla perverts as well as kinky ones, but again, more often in the kink crowd.

I have experienced episodes of Wanker’s Remorse that are quite comical, those that have cost me money, and I have also heard stories of when Wanker’s Remorse has turned sinister. It is a fascinating thing and I’m going to attempt to break it down for you.

So, Wanker’s Remorse as I understand it refers to the feelings of guilt and shame that some men experience after ejaculation (I don’t know if women experience this, they may well do; I have not come across it so I can’t say this is a solely male phenomenon as it might not be). You may well have come across this yourselves in your sexual lives – in the heat of the moment you are up to some messed up shit, diving deep into the darkness of your sexuality – but once the summit has been reached and all the good feelings have dissipated, the wanker is left with deep, burning shame over the utterly disgusting things they were just doing.

I call to mind a certain guy on webcam (if you are on AW and do kinky stuff, you will probably have met this guy!) who was into some very messy shit. Literally. Poop everywhere. I shan’t go into too much detail in order to protect his identity, and also to protect the stomachs of the innocent – it makes me heave and I think it’s funny so God knows how some of you might react! But anyway, the salient points are these: he would get into some really revolting shit, hard as a fucking rock, and the SECOND he would come he would immediately start heaving and have to leave in order to go and…erm…wash the shit off himself. He would be revelling in it – quite literally – the entire time he was hard, but the second he ejaculated the spell was broken, the magic was over, and the reality of the filthy things he had just done hit him like a bus and he would have to disappear.

Now this I find quite funny, and also very interesting – sexual hang-ups are something I come across in my work as a therapist quite often, but equally as often in my role as a dominatrix too. As a species were are socially conditioned to be so ashamed of anything that gives us pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. It’s wrapped up in morality and so much other bullshit that I can’t be arsed to go into now. But even just consider, for a moment, the term “guilty pleasure” – ok, so something might not be “normal” or commonly enjoyed en-masse, but why should we be made to feel guilty over the things we enjoy? As long as no one is being non-consensually hurt then there really is no need to feel guilty over the things we enjoy. Even, if you can contemplate it long enough without gagging, smearing your own shit all over the place. As long as no one is being hurt then I say do whatever the fuck you like and don’t feel shame or guilt over it. You are allowed to enjoy whatever strange and ridiculous things make your weird little heart happy!

Now, this is where it would stop for that that particular chap. He would go off, shower (I presume) and then go about his day, and I’d see him a few weeks later or whatever. I can deal with that. Totally fine. What is not fine is when the dude in question is so taken aback by these feelings of post-orgasmic shame, that they project it outwards. For example, I defy anyone in the clip selling game to tell me they’ve never had a chargeback.

Chargebacks occur usually when there has been some credit card fraud. A fraudulent purchase was made (it’s usually a big clip order too, like ten clips or whatever – so lots of money) and the owner of the card wants the money back. What some guys do, when they have beaten their meat to bits over some weird porn you’ve made, and they feel so guilty about it afterwards that they report it as a fraudulent transaction – “wasn’t me, mister!”.

So then the sale is reversed and I don’t get paid. However, the skeevy little jerk now has all the videos he purchased and it hasn’t cost him a penny. WANKER. This happens A LOT. It also happens when a dude’s wife or girlfriend sees his bank statement, and asks wtf it is. “Omg babe my card must have been cloned; I definitely didn’t spend $250 on giantess porn”.

YEAH RIGHT.

So again, their own shame and guilt over their sexual proclivities has now COST ME MONEY. Sometimes they just do this on purpose because they’re absolute bastards, and stick your stolen content up on tube sites to make money off it, but if you dig down into it it’s often because they’re ashamed and can’t be honest with themselves or with their partners. Or wanking hand. Whatever.

(Side note, I will never understand people who get married or into relationships but then don’t ever tell their partners about their kinky side. How can you love someone and be with them so fully and completely whilst hiding such a huge part of your life?? I could never.)

I have also heard stories about men getting violent with their partners or sex workers when the Wanker’s Remorse kicks in. They are ashamed of what they’ve done and lash out, projecting their fear and anger and shame outwards towards those that facilitated it. This has not happened to me personally and for that I only have fate to thank; but it does happen. A lot.

So, Wanker’s Remorse can be quite amusing, it can be annoying, it can be costly and it can be dangerous. It’s an odd and interesting outlet for a lot of toxic masculinity, which again I cannot be arsed to go into today – it’s too big! It doesn’t happen with everyone and I usually come across it online – either on cam or in the form of clip sales. But I’ve gotta say watching a dude rub his own poop all over his face, love it so much he spunks into his own face, and then start immediately heaving the second the last drop of jizz leaves his balls – it’s really fucking funny.