The Year That Wasn’t: 2020 Roundup

Well, 2020 certainly was not what anyone expected it to be. And I mean anyone. Anyone on the entire planet earth. There is nowhere, and nobody that wasn’t affected by the pandemic and it has changed the world forever.

We stayed at home, we watched the news, we made banana bread, we learned new hobbies and spent time in nature. We ate out to help out, we went back into lockdown more than once, we bought and wore masks, we stayed 2 metres away from people, we bulk bought toilet roll. We clapped, we cried, we watched the world burn. We mourned, we raged, we protested, we tried to educate ourselves. We Zoomed, we FaceTimed, we spoke to people we hadn’t spoken to in years. We realised that life is short and precious and can literally end in a flash.

I live alone and found the first lockdown really hard. My descent into complete madness was swift; about 3 days in I had gone completely bonkers. Looking through my phone at pictures and videos I had taken from that time, I don’t remember doing any of it! I’m usually quite a solitary creature; I live alone, I enjoy my own company – but god damn did I realise just how much I actually missed being around other people. I didn’t think I spent that much time with others, but having it taken away from me, I realised the opposite was true. I was still able to see people in my bubble, and luckily the weather was glorious back in the Spring so I was able to spend a lot of time outdoors, as I would have normally – but then so did everyone else! There were people all over my quiet landscape where I would normally go to escape, and I definitely got busted filming clips out and about where I wouldn’t have normally!

Needless to say my clip production was in the toilet this year. I started off well; but come lockdown it all went off the rails. I couldn’t even film stuff in the garden easily because all my neighbours were out in their gardens too! Bloody bastards. I did what I could, when I could, but I didn’t film anywhere near as much this year as I would have liked to. I have a few clips going live this week over at and, so check them out. I really hope that next year will be different, but I am not holding my breath.

Speaking of holding my breath, I think I actually had Covid back in February. At the time, I just thought I had a rotten cold – this was before we had even really heard of Covid. I spent the week of Valentines Day in bed surrounded by tissues and books feeling thoroughly wretched. I had a cough, a temperature, and I was really breathless for weeks after. It was only in April or May, when the news started to report the loss of sense of smell as a symptom, that I started to have second thoughts – I have an extremely sensitive nose and even now, my sense of smell will temporarily go offline. Of course there is no way to know for certain now; too much time has passed. But if I had a mild dose, I dread to think what a bad one would be like. It was not pleasant.

However, it hasn’t been all bad. I certainly have had some positives this year. I have learned to knit and crochet, which I LOVE, and have now begun setting up a little business doing just that. I can now make my own clothes, whereas this time last year I had never even picked up a crochet hook before. I got back in touch with people I hadn’t spoken to in years, and moved away from friendships that had become toxic. I taught an online class to a group of psychotherapists wanting to know more about sex work – which I will be doing again, and more regularly, moving forward. I went to outdoor places I hadn’t visited before, or for a very long time, and reconnected with nature in a big way – I can even recognise certain birds just by their songs now, which I couldn’t do before. I learned how to exist in the present, instead of always looking forward – I think a lot of people had to learn this one. For the present is all we ever have, and this has been highlighted even more so this year, with nothing to plan for or look forward to.

I would like to thank my regular and long term guys for their continued support – it means a lot to me, even when I’ve disappeared away with the fairies and I’m not around much, you are always there and give me my space, which I appreciate more than you know. Without my set routine I find it hard to stay grounded, and I disappear into my own head and dissociate from the rest of the world a lot – but I always come back, and seeing clip sales and subscriptions and hearing the cam bell ring always helps keep my feet on the ground!

For the last two years I always start my day with a list of five things I’m grateful for, and this year that has really become more profound. I am grateful for so much, the basics, the bare necessities, things that far too many people don’t have. Practicing gratitude is a powerful tool and I suggest you all give it a go sometime. I am extremely grateful for the people I have in my life – my family, my friends, my lovely clients and customers – thank you.

Before this becomes a complete pile of emotional word vomit, I shall sign off for now – keep on keeping on, everybody, and stay safe. See you in 2021 – it’s gonna be a weird one, that’s for sure!

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