I Am What I Am: Appearances, Preening & Pubes

Fanny foliage…?!

I want to talk about pubes.

Specifically, my own!

For the longest time, I would spend ages trimming, shaving, tidying, waxing, and otherwise removing my pubic hair. I hated it. I thought it was unsightly, unclean, unappealing, and a bloody nuisance.

However, around a year ago, I had a change of heart. I can’t really pinpoint when and why, but I suddenly realised – well, this is what my body is supposed to do. It is normal. It is natural. And I have left it to its own devices ever since!

I realised just how much shame is heaped up on us, particularly women, around our bodies generally, but our genitals specifically. How we are conditioned to preen, prune and make them appealing to others (Rather than ourselves…quelle surprise). Can’t possibly have an unkempt bikini line, what if people see? It must smell like a meadow on a spring evening, or a tropical sunset, because its natural fragrance is a terrible thing. All those perfumed soaps and wipes and deodorants and hair removal products, specifically for vaginas and vulvas.

Where’s the sweaty ball sprays? The bollock moisturisers? The cock creams? Where’s all the masculine hygiene products?!

Why should I have to pay to rip out every last hair from my lady garden and have it resemble a barbie doll, or worse, my pre-pubescent self, when a lot of men won’t even give themselves a courtesy wipe – let alone GROOM themselves – before expecting people to get up close and personal with them?! How many men do you know who regularly get a back, sack and crack wax?!

Now, I would like to point out – I am not throwing shade on anyone who chooses to wax, shave, or otherwise groom themselves in this manner. Not at all. I never would. Some people genuinely find it more comfortable to do so, they prefer the appearance, and that is totally 100% A-Okay. I was certainly one of those people for a very long time. But these days, I like my bush! I love it, in fact. It’s completely 100% natural. I haven’t touched it with any kind of depilation product or device in over a year now. And it’s great! It’s one less thing for me to worry about. I don’t care if other people don’t like it, because it’s mine and what I choose to do or not do with it is my business! I’ve even recently been leaving my armpit hair to do its own thing as well, and I love that too. I do still shave my legs, but that’s because I want to. Not because I have felt pressured by someone or by society to do so. It’s about choice – we are allowed to choose what works for us, our bodies, and should not be shamed into thinking any one way is right or wrong.

Weird hair, don’t care…

This lack of giving a shit for conventional beauty standards has branched out into other things, too. I am leaving my grey hair to grow out. I’ve been going grey since I was 21 – and I simply cannot be bothered with the maintenance of getting my roots done all the time. My greys are so resistant AND persistent, I would be in the hairdressers every fortnight keeping on top of it. Fuck that! I have way better things to do with my time and money than keep fighting a losing battle. So, I just whack purple hair dye all over my head and make it very obvious that I have massive grey roots. It means my hair is multicoloured these days. And I love it!

I haven’t had my eyebrows done in god knows how long. I used to have them waxed and plucked and tinted and threaded into submission regularly – I can’t remember the last time I had them done. And weirdly, I’ve had more compliments on them in the last six months than I ever did when I was bullying them into tidiness – go figure?!

Same with my nails. I have always been very lucky that my nails grow long and strong and quite quickly. Being a qualified nail tech, I have done my own gels and acrylics for years – then when I started getting bored with that, I’d pay someone else to do them. Now I don’t even bother with that – I hate sitting there being fiddled with and having to get them redone every few weeks as they grow out. I paint them if I want to, and leave them natural if I don’t. It’s much easier.

I don’t even like wearing loads of makeup anymore. I have sensitive eyes, which can be irritated by makeup, and I like to be able to rub them without smearing makeup all over my face! I don’t have the patience to sit and make my face look flawlessly perfect, I get cross when it doesn’t go to plan and end up ruining it anyway. I used to love having fake eyelashes on – they do look magnificent, and they really do enhance my eyes – but I can’t be fucking arsed fighting them onto my face! I have actually cried in frustration because I couldn’t get them on straight before. Wtf kind of nonsense is that?!

I suppose a huge part of this is I am quite lazy! I can’t be bothered with endless preening and grooming. I like to be a bit scruffy, a bit wild – I like not having to keep up the pretence of being a perfectly maintained woman. Again – I am not saying that no one should do these kinds of things. Not at all. I look at some of the women out there who are incredible at doing their makeup, or who have long, magnificent talons, or salon bouncy blow-dries, and I am in awe of just how gloriously beautiful they look. But that is just not a look I care to create or maintain for myself. Sometimes I do still like to get really dolled up, or get my nails done, or spend a few hours getting my hair done – but it’s certainly not my typical day to day aesthetic.

Scrub up alright from time to time, eh?!

And that’s ok! There is no law that says I should look a certain way, or that I can only be successful or worthy if I am perfectly presented all the time. This whole discussion also taps into my work life, as well as my personal life. I’ve had people say to me (mostly dickheads, the opinions of whom don’t matter anyway) things like – “you can’t be a Domme, you’re wearing jeans and a vest top” (someone in particular was so offended by this, they left me negative feedback telling me so!), or, “how are you a Domme if you’ve got a baseball hat on?” (this was when I’d just arrived to a shoot, after a really long drive, and had literally just got out of my car! So sorry I wasn’t in my full regalia and catering to your visual expectations!). Another great one, is that unless I’m head to toe in latex, or a corset and stockings and heels, that I cannot possibly call myself a Domme. Well, I’ve got news for you – I’m allergic to latex, I fucking hate wearing heels if I can avoid it these days and I can’t think of anything worse than being stuffed into a corset and garter belt (again, all things that I have enjoyed in the past, but don’t anymore!).

But that doesn’t make me any less dominant, less worthy of respect, or any less capable of doing my job, or running rings around YOU, sunshine! If being a Domme was all about the clothing, then anyone could just buy all that gear, put it on, and call themselves a Domme. That’s clearly not the case. Sure, I can appreciate and accept that there is a specific, traditional “look” that one would perhaps assume a Domme would have. But for me personally, being dominant isn’t about what’s on the outside. It’s about power and control, and whilst outfits can certainly enhance that, they definitely do not create it. If I am uncomfortable in what I’m wearing, that discomfort is going to spill over into my session and I’m not going to be at my best. It’s that simple.

My eye streamed relentlessly throughout this shoot, hence why I look so pissed off!

I’m not saying I rock up to sessions or shoots in my pajamas, with dirty hair, looking like I’ve just rolled out of bed. Of course not. But I certainly don’t look like most people might expect a Domme to look. And I’m totally ok with that. I’m still sexy. I still do sex work, I still get paid. I still inspire boners in people literally across the globe. I am comfortable and happy presenting myself in whatever way I see fit at the time, and surely that’s what being a Domme is all about? I am in control of myself, I am accepting of myself, my appearance, all of it. I like me. Very much. And I will be totally ok if other people don’t. THAT’S confidence. My existence is never about how attractive other people find me. It is certainly not about what society at large tells me it should be, either.

For a long time, I was also conflicted about how much or how little of my body I would have on display. I began my sex work journey in the vanilla sex work world, escorting, fully nude webcamming, mainstream porn – and then when I transitioned into BDSM/Femdom, I would show very little. I was operating under the misapprehension that “Dommes don’t show everything off” – that I was somehow less dominant if my pussy or tits were visible. At the time, I can remember there being a lot of discussion about it online – Dommes don’t do this, or that, or the other, they certainly don’t let their subs see them naked – what a load of rot. As previously mentioned, Dommes do as they wish – whether that be completely dressed or totally naked, it is up to the individual. (Substitute out the word “Dommes” for “women”, the principle is the same!)

Whilst I no longer have sex with clients within my sex-work, I am now more comfortable showing whatever I damn well please at the time – and so what?! I am a human with a human body, and I will display as much or as little of it as I please, when I please, to whoever I please! I have the power to choose what I do with my body and if I want to show it off, I bloody well will.

So, if you want to shave, wax, preen, groom, wear latex, wear heels, wear nothing, wear a bloody binbag as a dress and a plant pot on your head, DO IT! But do it because you WANT to! Not because you feel you should. If you want to be wild and feral, that is totally ok too! I am happiest when I’m barefoot outdoors, with mud on my feet, flowers and leaves and shit stuck in my hair, with almost bugger all make up on, tormenting some poor soul to my heart’s content. And I am very happy to have reached this level of self-acceptance with regards to my appearance. I am what I am and nobody is going to change me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.